Modern, Yes; Functional, Probably Not...

I was in the mood to find some crazy-cool contraptions offered in today's market and found myself gazing upon a few sensational gems that probably result in a reduced life expectancy (via frustration, prison rape or boring old suicide). You be the judge~

The Ultimate Wheel: Seriously, that's suppose to be funtastic?! Where do I put the banana seat?

Dodecahedral "Petaminx" Puzzle: Commence face-melting in 3, 2, 1.

Anti-Theft Lunch Bags: A little Rorschach mildew won't deter this motivated hungry beast.

Cursor Oven Mitts: Ending serious relationships since 1994.